Anniversary Day!

Today is a very special day for me!
Not only is it Valentines Day, a holiday which I have always loved, (please enjoy that pun) but it is mine and Stephen's one year dating anniversary. :)

Maybe it's just me, but I feel there's something special about that first year.
Everything is new. There are so many firsts. And there is a whole lot of learning to be had.

Here's a look at our year in review:

At 10:30 p.m. last Valentines Day he asked me to be his girlfriend.

All day he had been surprising me with sweet letters and chocolate, proof that he was a keeper, but I had agreed to babysit that night way before he was in the picture, so babysat I did.
When I returned home to CBC, I met him at the "pagoda," gave him cool presents and received this super awesome spiel about how great I was and how he wanted me to be his girlfriend.
It was perfect and romantic and wonderful.

So, our journey began.

The next day was Homecoming and I was on court, so down the basketball court we walked, our relationship now on display for the entire world to witness.
I met his dad that weekend, an encounter that I will never forget.

Then came a Spring Break and a road trip with his dad to Heber Springs. We stayed with his aunt and uncle there, woke-up at the crack of dawn to watch a fishing competition, went thrift-shopping and watched Oz The Great and Powerful in the most...interesting...movie theater to which I have ever been.

Not long after SB came my college graduation, an exciting, but scary time for me. By this point, well actually, two weeks into our relationship, I knew that this guy was the real deal and I was afraid to lose him. Yet, he assured me that things would be okay. He wanted to be with me, to make things work. He had faith...a lot more than I did in that moment. My graduation day was a blast and I enjoyed every moment of it.

Next, came a hard part.

I left Conway. I moved. I moved back in with my parents.

I had joined a ministry in Fayetteville and was trying to raise the money that it would take to move there and start ministry.
Yet again, Stephen's faith did not waiver or if it did, he acted very strong on my behalf. He believed in me, more so he believed that God would provide for me.

So, I spent the next five months living with my parents in the middle of nowhere.
And that was a very dark time for me. I was depressed, felt alone and to be honest, support raising just wasn't going so well.

Time and time again Stephen reminded me that God was in control, that he had a plan for my life and that my failure did not define me, Jesus Christ did.

In late October, I ended-up quitting the ministry, moving back to Conway, being offered a new job and living with great friends until I was able to get back on my feet.

He helped me more. He supported this new direction that God had given me. And he was happy to have me back in a town that we both love.

All in all, we spent seven months living in the same city and five months living an hour away from each other.

We found our favorite restaurants, parks, gas stations and movies.

We fell madly in love.

We learned a lot along the way:

We learned the power of communication and what works for us communication wise and what doesn't. For example: We'd much rather prefer a quality 20 minute phone call or an hour of in-person visiting time each night rather than texting all day.
We also learned that honest communication about everything from our emotions to the weather is so, so important.

We learned each other's likes, dislikes, strengths, weaknesses and flaws.

We have failed each other and have learned how to overcome that failure.

We have learned a lot about patience and how important it is to be slow to anger (At least I have.)

We have learned the importance of "me time" and how spending too much time together can be a bad thing.

We have learned the importance of praying and reading the Bible together and we have seen how not reading the Bible/walking with God in our own spiritual lives destroys our relationship.

We have struggled in the area of intimacy and have realized how important it is to repent of sin and truly turn back toward Jesus.

We have learned the power and importance of community with other believers and couples.

We have learned how to love each other well, though we still have a long way to go.

I have spent the last year of life learning to love someone more than myself and that has been hard, but exponentially more rewarding.

I am glad that God gave me him to love and I intend to do so for a very long time.
I love you, Stephen.

Happy Anniversary!
Here's to 75 more years of joy, trials, love and life!

 

My favorite hymn

I’m 98 percent certain that my favorite hymn of all time is “Where He Leads Me” by E.W. Blandy.

            It can be found listed as number 164 on a page of a dusty, green Broadman Hymnal. The song is simple; a mere four stanzas that only span the length of a half page.

            Yet, its refrain has always been the cry of my heart:  “Where He leads me, I will follow; Where He leads me, I will follow; Where He leads me, I will follow; I’ll go with Him, with Him all the way.”

            To me, this song has always had a deep, direct correlation to the mission field.

             Yes, if He leads me back to Mexico, I will follow. Yes, if He leads me to spend forever in Italy, I will follow. Yes, wherever into the nations He sends me, I will follow.

            Sounds simple enough, right? It was. Until recently.

            I will graduate college in one week…and the Lord isn’t leading me out of the country.

            No, not yet.

            Rather, He has a job prepared for me in Fayetteville, Ark.

            Yes, ARKANSAS.

            Three hours from my home and two and a half from my second home, the town where I’ve spent four years worth of university.

            I will be working at the Center for Missions Mobilization and will be directly working for a ministry called Campus Ministry Toolbox, where I will be helping its creator, John, create a comprehensive ministry resource for college leaders and student leaders literally around the world. I will be managing a blog, editing books, interviewing sources and writing, writing and more writing.

            If you know me well at all, then you know that this is the perfect job for me, as many of my friends have stated immediately after receiving the news.

            Yet, it is hard to follow Him to Fayetteville.  

            I love Mexico and Italy and my heart longs to go. So desperately. I have family and friend connections in those worlds and know exactly what to expect there.

            I have comfort in those places…but God does not call His people to comfort.

            I love Conway. My friends are here, even my best friend, who is originally from Missouri, is staying here after our graduation. My family is nearby and we are closer now than we have been in years. My boyfriend is here and I can unashamedly say that I love him and hope to marry him in the future. I have a wonderful church family here.

             Conway feels like home.

            I have comfort here…but yet again, I am reminded of Mark 8:34 where Jesus says to the crowd, “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me.”

            That is a command that I simply cannot ignore.

            So, if all goes well, I will be headed to Fayetteville in September or October.

            To the place where I have no church home, no friends, no family, no boyfriend. Nothing.

            I’d be lying if I said that my flesh didn’t want to stay here or that this will be an easy transition for me.

            But I have full assurance that I will find great things on the adventure that He has for me there and that Christ will be my stronghold, on the days that it seems that I have nothing else.

            Besides, I’ve told Him that where He leads me I will follow…and that All I Have is Christ.

The Valley

Man, a lot has happened since September 3.

This may sound like a duh statement, but my life has changed so much since September.
 In fact, a lot of changes have occurred in the past two months alone:

1. I am typing this post from an iPhone, my iPhone, as during this time I finally moved into the world of technology...No offense to my trusty LG Shine, but I kinda like this little iGadget more than I thought I would.

2. I've experienced the good, the bad and he ugly of shepherding a floor of college freshman as an RA.

3. I fulfilled my internship requirements and fell in love with a group of zany teenage girls.

4. I completed my first semester of my final year of college and obtained a 4.0 GPA.

Whew, so many changes.

Though its been fun, challenging and exciting, I'd be lying if I said that this time period of my life has been an easy one.

Actually, its been hard. Really, really hard.

I'm not really sure why I thought that being an RA, leading two small groups, discipling a student, being the co-editor-in-chief of the school newspaper and singing in the choir were all good ideas...on top of completing a 120 hr. internship and taking 13 credit hours.
Don't get me wrong, I have enjoyed each of those things and they are all good causes, but I have been busy. Entirely too busy.

Plus, I have been sick. Really sick. Headaches. Body aches. Fevers. Allergies. Infections. Nausea. Exhaustion.
You name the symptom and I've probably had it. One day I would feel great while the next day I would feel terrible. Lots of hours and lots of money have been spent at the clinic or on medications. Many more hours have been spent just lying in bed praying to feel better.
A week ago, I had blood work done to see whether or not I have Lupus or another auto-immune disease...and I will find-out the results of those tests in early January.

.........but the hardest part and the hardest thing to admit is that God and I haven't been on the best of terms...

I mean, I have seen His work in my life over these months and I know that He hasn't left, but our day-to-day relationship has been splotchy at best. Honestly, I've been a little mad at Him....which is definitely not justifiable because what the matter really boils down to is my lack of understanding.

I haven't understood why He had kept me sick for so long. After a few months it had stopped seeming like this is for my good as Romans 8:28 tells us.
I haven't understood why He would plant this desire in my heart to go back to Italy next year after graduation and then make me too sick to go.
I haven't understood why He has made it so hard just to do simple things like getting out of bed or maintaining joy.

But luckily, we had a long talk a few days ago....and He pretty much sucker-punched me in the gut.
You see, God asked me why I had given up the fight and what had happened to my armor.
Both of those were questions to which I didn't have good answers...

And since then, I have resolved for change. I have decided to keep fighting. Though, I don't understand His purposes, I trust the God of the universe more than I trust myself.
I have decided to take whichever cup he shall give me with joy. I've decided to make time for Him again, to purposely and intentionally fall back in love with my Savior.

I've decided to listen...to let go again...as it seems that letting go is a never-ending process
and to stop yelling.

A wise man, Oswald Chambers, once said that Christians love to live for the mountain-top experiences, those times where we see God clearly and hear Him perfectly. Times where loving Him is easy.

Yet, Chambers goes on to say that Christians weren't made to live on the mountain-top, but that we were made to live in the valley, a valley full of hardship, struggle, pain and lessons.

I don't know about you, but I need to learn how to live in the valley again.

Missions

October 5, 2008:

"Brittney Webster blessed our hearts as she shared with us that God was directing her life to serve Him in some capacity in foreign missions. Her life is a true testimony for Christ and time will tell us what God has in store for her." ~Charity Baptist Church bulletin

I don't remember what I said to my church family that day. In fact, I don't even remember being on stage. What I do recall is the work that God was doing in my life then. It's the same work that He is furthering today.

I am called to foreign missions...
End of story. Piece of cake...right?

No, not so much.

Often, I forget why I'm here...why we're all here...
I came to college in the fall of 2009 knowing that I wanted to do mission work.
I will graduate in mere months, in the spring of 2013, with a Psychology/Social Services degree...knowing still that I want to do mission work.

I've never desired a 9-5 or to be a counselor, but when I came to CBC, I got cold-feet and switched my degree ASAP.
Now, I'm not saying that one needs a "Missions" degree to be a missionary, but I am saying that my current degree, though I enjoy it, was a fall-back plan.

Many times I've convinced myself into comfortability. I've tried to reason that I could get a good, respectable job, marry a pastor of some sort, and then settle into a happily-ever-after in "Your Dream Hometown."
The sad thing:  the lies I told tell myself actually work. For a little while.
The truth of the matter is that my dreams are way bigger than small town U.S.A...
and...

I'm not afraid to keep dreaming.

Don't get me wrong, it's scary.
I don't know what to tell people when they ask, "So, what are you doing after graduation?" I don't know where I'll be or what I'll be doing a year from this very day.
I fear that I will be forever alone...that the perfect guy is too afraid of the unknown of the future to take charge of the here and now.
I don't look forward to hard goodbyes and leaving the friends and family that I dearly love.
I don't even know where I am supposed to "go," though there are a few places that I already love.

What I do know are these things:

The Lord loves me with a love everlasting and has my best interests in mind (Romans 8:28).
I trust Him...This trust falters at times, but at the end of each day, it remains constant.
By losing everything, I will gain life eternal (Mark 8:35).
My joy is made complete when I get to share Christ with others; there's nothing I enjoy more.

So, maybe
I will never have the cookie-cutter life.

Though that means rough-times, tears, hard conversations, persecution, and letting go of comforts and idols now, I think that I will one-day be okay with that...



 

Faith

It is said that faith can move mountains.

"He said to them, “Because of your little faith. For truly, I say to you, if you have faith like a grain of mustard seed, you will say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move, and nothing will be impossible for you.”-Matthew 17:20 ESV

Though I have been a Christian for six years, my faith in the Lord continues to grow on almost a daily basis...

You see, back in January, God put a deep, passionate desire on my heart, a desire to reach my campus for Christ.

*cue Journal entry from eight months ago*

1/4/12:
" I am convinced that God can and will use me to change the campus of CBC. At age 20 3/4 the reality of the Gospel, of the need to share my faith, has finally fit me in the face."

Then, school began again. There were a few of us like-minded people on campus (Lauren and Andrew) and we began praying about how to get discipleship groups started at Central Baptist College.
The rest of the spring was slow-rolling...We began training at UCA and gained the interest of a few students, but it was hard-work with just the three of us and for a while it seemed like the Lord was silent...

5/5/12:
Lauren graduated. That left Andrew and I.

And then the college-world welcomed summer.

5/19/12-6/30/12:
My life was completely changed by spending six weeks in Bologna, Italy doing ministry with college students.
I left Bo knowing more than ever that I wanted meaningful, real community on my college campus back in Arkansas.
Better yet, I knew that the Lord wanted change to occur at CBC, but I wasn't sure how it would happen...

7/29/12:
I received a facebook message from a new staff member reading, "I talked with Sarah the other day and told her my interest in creating discipleship Groups on campus (CBC). She said that you were super interested in that!" etc. etc. etc.

This was the first, small taste of what the Lord had planned.
8/8/12:
I was given the opportunity to share with the entire residence life staff my vision for our campus, my desire to see people living out the Gospel in each other's lives.
These people are leaders on our campus and some of them were intrigued...

8/19/12:
Several new faces met with Sam, Taylor (our awesome friends and support staff from UCA Cru), Andrew and I about DNA groups.

D-divine truth:  studying scripture together

N-nurturing community:  calling out greatness in one another and confessing sin to fellow members

A-apostolic mission:  living out our faith and sharing it with others

Toward the end of our meeting one of the guys said, "This could be why I'm supposed to be at CBC this year."

Get excited.

8/20/12:

Tonight, I stood in a room of thirty students at a discipleship group interest meeting. While they chowed-down on pizza, I got to share with those precious students our vision for a campus that is radically changed by the Gospel of Christ.

(Photo courtesy: Devin DiGuilio)

Our first D-group meetings are Monday for the girls and Tuesday for the guys. Please be in continued prayer for us and the work that God is doing at CBC.

I still can't believe that this is real and actually happening...

But

I have prayed and continue to pray for God to do big things and I have faith that He will...

Let the mountains move.

Conviction

Conviction.

I know, I know. The title of this post is just alluring, isn't it?

Let's face it, no one likes conviction. Why would we?
This 'C'-word often manifests itself as a slight tug at our heartstrings, a that warning that something is amiss in our inner-being.
It's an ever-present reminder that something needs to change...

We hate conviction because it reminds us of our failures, our flaws, our imperfections, our short-comings and our weaknesses...This creeping 'C' is easy to run from and even easier to hide.
Just keep doing your normal routine. Be satisfied. Be content.
Stop dreaming. Stay complacent.

Simply ignore the 'C'...or at very least try...

Trust me, I am an expert at running and hiding, but a recent sense of dare-I-say, conviction, has yet to leave.
Frankly, I'm not sure that it will...not until change is made...

It began at a church camp in the boonies of Missouri. A few things that the speaker said read like this from my recycled journal:

"Suffering is more than an inconvience."
"The world is not attracted to a shallow belief system."
"Our religion says that you go deep and risk everything for the gospel."

and then, the mind-set of some American Christians:

"I love my Christianity, but I'm not going to take huge risks for God."

*cue conviction right about now*

I've been on mission trips. I've given to the poor and fed the hungry. I've made sacrifices for God and the furthering of His Gospel.
but...
I'VE NEVER SUFFERED, especially not as I sit in this clean, well-lit, well-air conditioned home, drinking filtered water and typing away on my newly purchased laptop.
I'VE NEVER RISKED EVERYTHING FOR THE GOSPEL.

When I think of sacrifice, two stories in Scripture come to mind.

First, is the one of the rich, young ruler which can be found in Luke 18:18-30.

"When Jesus heard this, he said to him, "One thing you still lack, Sell all that you have and distribute to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven; and come, follow me (18:22)."

Secondly, I am reminded of the disciples' callings. Here's an example:

"After this he (Jesus) went out and saw a tax collector named Levi, sitting at the tax booth. And he said to him, "Follow me." And leaving everything, he rose and followed him (Luke 5:27-28). "

I don't know about you, but I more often feel like the rich ruler, who walked away sad after hearing Jesus' words, than the disciple.

Each packed box for college and each little "bing" at the check-out counter result in layer upon layer of conviction.

What if I really did sell all that I have and give it to the poor?
Resulting in:  myself, the clothes on my back, my Jesus and His Word.

Would I be labeled as some wacko, super Christian media-stunt ...or would others actually take a stand and do the same?

Is Jesus really who He says He is? Would I really be satisfied if all I had was Jesus?

The Aftermath

Well, today is the 14th of July and I have been out of Italy for two weeks now.

It feels like a life-time...and I'm not gonna lie, looking at pictures, listening to certain songs, watching Italian cooking shows and the excited feeling that I get whenever I see the letters "I-t-a-l-y" in any store bring me to the verge of tears...Maybe that makes me lame. Girly. Over-emotional. I don't know, but I can say that I definitely wasn't expecting this never-ending flood of emotions.
Luckily, God is good. He is so, so good and He has already given me countless opportunities to share about my trip and to share the Gospel with people here, with people back home.
Another blessing: we were given a ton of information at our debrief which explained how to cope with re-entry to the country. Some of the reminders were as follows:

"Don't forget to ask others what they have experienced this summer. Then, listen well."

"Remember that not everyone will want to hear about your experience. In fact, some people may not ask about your Summer Project at all. Don't let that take you off-guard."

"Try not to hate America (This one is paraphrased just a bit.)"

Believe me, these have been super helpful.

I have loved getting to hear about others' summers just as much as I have loved giving people a taste of Italy. I might've cried for real when I went to see one of my closest friends and Italy was never mentioned if the friendly little reminder above hadn't came to mind. And, best of all, I really haven't experienced feelings of hatred toward America, unlike summers past.

All in all, it has been a good, reflective two weeks and many note-worthy things have occurred:

A week in Texas was spent with 3,000 teenagers. They were given practical steps on how to be missionaries where they are planted and I experienced chaperonehood for the very first time. You could say that a lot was learned on both ends of the spectrum.

A dear friend, Ashley, got engaged. :) She has already found the perfect dress and today we conqured the task of bridesmaid fitting. I am so excited to see how the Lord uses she and Ryan as a unit.

Also, today it was decided that this blog would remain...not only to chronicle Italy or other mission trips, but to portray my life in the most real way that I've found, writing. Many of you have urged me to have "my own blog" for years now, so here are all of those compliments blooming to fruition. I can't promise to be "a weekly read," super punny or even worth your minutes, but please know that none of those are my intentions.

I believe (finally) that writing is a gift given to me graciously from God. I also believe that others receive encouragement from the thoughts and words that He leads me to pen. So, continue writing I must.

Plus, and most selfishly, a good bit spent writing always does my soul well...and helps my jumbled mind become coherent and managable.

Until the next adventure,
Brittney